Author: Thomas Ortsik

Founder and Kinda-Editor-In-Chief at Twinstiq.
Also known as Dr. Strangethumb

NSFWRUP

We‘ve recently seen what Sony has in store for us in 2016 during their Paris Games Week conference. The obvious big hitters were of course No Man’s Sky, Horizon and GT Sport (which btw. is not GT7, despite sneaking the 7 into the trailer several times, you bastard!), but we also finally saw a bit more about Dreams, the new Media Molecule game. Still not 100% sure on what it actually is, but it looks a bit like Project Spark meets 3D sculpting, which is amazing in theory, but will most likely be over everyone’s skill set when it reaches the consumer. Won’t stop me from sharing some ideas I already had with you (feel free to do the same in the comments below)

1: You play as a penis with erectile dysfunction, sliding down a huge tube. On your way to the goal you can collect Viagra pills to boost your score and grow stiffer. The catch: if you collect too many, you will suffer a heart attack and lose a life.

2: You play as multiple penii at the same time and fight against evil vaginas by pissing and spunking on them. Watch out though: if two or more penii touch each other, they decide to become homosexuals and try to convert the rest of your penii.

3: A Doodle Jump style platformer where you play as a penis. Your goal is to jump from giant bouncy boob to giant bouncy boob while avoiding condoms and hanging breasts.

4: A remake of Super Mario Bros. 1-1

While I think of more great level ideas, what is everyone playing over the weekend?

 

  • Andrew (Twitter): Ghostbusters and Costume Quest 2 on Saturday. Then, once Halloween is overL I may just subject myself to another kind of horror entirely, Halo 2 on Games For Windows Live.
  • Dante: Scream Fortress is live! There may not be a new event this year, but they added enough to make it fun again. That's what I'll be doing until it's over.
  • Greywolfe (Twitter, YouTube): police quest three.  i'm just about at the half-way point of the game.  hearthstone's tavern brawl.  if i ever get in to be able to play it, because this week seemed to be a mess for me.  [but hopefully that'll be better over the weekend.] - inca [yeah.  i still haven't finished it.  :P] - and the tail end of rex, where i finish up exploring the abandoned city and get myself off the crazy planet.  i've finished up banjo kazooie and have started up the original spyro the dragon.  there's bits of it i hate.  i dunno if i'll finish it.  :(
  • Scrooloose: Going to be getting started on Divinity: Original Sin Enhanced Edition, so excited about that. Original Sin was such a pleasure to play, still really really high on my list of top RPGs. I can't wait to see the changes in the enhanced edition. Still playing Volgarr the Viking, that's been super tough and a lot of fun. I basically play it until I can't stand failing anymore then go on to something else for a while. And of course I'll still be playing my fair share of Rocket League because I can't stop myself from loving that game.
  • Steve: Destiny and Battleborn closed technical test for the most part. Also looking at phones and realizing how much Canadians get shafted by our 2 big telecoms.
  • Thomas (Twitter): Maybe I’ll finally finish Halo 4 and AC: Unity. If not, I will probably return to the Witcher 3, because it’s been a while and I could use a good AAA RPG right now, since I will miss the Fallout launch.
  • Trish (Twitch): Spending the weekend browsing mobile games on google plays market since ive gotten my new phone, also playing some destiny.
  • Yoda0VGs (Twitter): More Vermintide for the Review!

Hodor

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  • Andrew (Twitter): Various Wii U virtual console Castlevania games. (There are actually quite a few on there.)
  • Dante: Hearthstone, TF2 and who knows what else. Maybe Viewtiful Joe 2.
  • Greywolfe (Twitter, YouTube): banjo kazooie is done.  it is a complete blast.  :)  rex is nearly finished, too.  just mopping up different areas of the abandoned city, now.  inca got stalled, again :P - i just dread the end of that game.  :) - the big world of warcraft project has nearly finished up darkshore.  so i'm heading to a new zone, soon.  i'm going to have to find something to replace banjo kazooie with and i'm not sure what.
  • Scrooloose: Rocket League for me still. Planning on picking up Hearts of Stone for Witcher 3 and getting my Gwent decks claimed, so going through that. Also I may finally put the effort in to making my character in Path of Exile again.
  • Thomas (Twitter): Probably more Kingdom, Rebel Galaxy and Rogue State. What a great season for Indie-Games. Who need Halo and Assassin’s Creed?
  • Trish (Twitch): Pre ordered my copy of Fallout 4, and grinding light levels in Destiny. I'm so terrible at this game it's not funny.
  • Yoda0VGs (Twitter): Gonna be checking out some Warhammer Vermintide!!

 

Picture: The Young Folks

Some new Nintendo news from the wankers over at the Wall Street Journal

We got some new information on the Nintendo NX. According to the fucking (Pay-)Wall(ed) Street Journal, development kits for Nintendo’s announced but not really console or whatever have been distributed to select third-party developers.

The NX will “likely include both a console and at least one mobile unit that could either be used in conjunction with the console or taken on the road for separate use”, at least according to the fucking Wall Street Journal, who in turn got that info from “people familiar with the development plans”.

Do I need to point out the obvious in that? Who are those people the Wall Humper Journal got their info from? My grandma is familiar with Nintendo’s development plans: Release a couple of Mario games, maybe a Zelda one. Done.
The Tosser Journal then continues with another amazing prediction: Nintendo is aiming “to put industry-leading chips in the NX devices”. Yeah, no shit?! Industry leading? So they are faster than the day-1 obsolete hardware in current gen systems? Wow.

The best is yet to come though, and I won’t even comment on that (that, I’ll leave to you): “We are increasingly of the idea that Nintendo might launch the NX in 2016 because of the softness of 3DS and Wii U.”

 

no, I won't even link to the article

Picture: Sadly no idea. Let me know if you find out

Weekly Webcomic Wrapup

The Battlefront Beta is in its final stage and after a somewhat lacking first impression, I did gather a bit of a fondness for it. The shooting is lacking, but the overall atmosphere and the inclusion of Power-Ups did win me over in the end. So it’s no wonder we see the game twice in today’s Weekly Webcomic Wrapup. It’s the same joke, but it still gave me a good chuckle…twice.
That said: Empire is OP. Read more

Far Cry: Primal is not Blood Dragon 2

You’ve probably already heard news about FC: Primal yesterday, but just in case you haven’t: The Guys behind Uplay announced Primal, a new spin-off from the main series, set in the Stone-Age, around 10.000 BC. This means no Dinos, but a good amount of woolly mammoths and saber-toothed cats. But that’s not where the differences to Blood Dragon end. Read more

Live-Action Miniseries based on SOMA coming through the tubes

The Folks behind the recently released SOMA, which is already on my contender list for the Twinstiq Awards, are currently releasing a live-action series that promises to take a look at what happened before the events of the game. The first episode clocks in at 5 minutes, and more will be released daily on their YouTube channel until Oct. 5th.
Little warning though: The first episode does include some slight spoilers, unless you’ve seen their teaser trailer before. Read more