Non-Stiq: The Force Awak-ictions Possible Plot by Yoda0VGs

Ok, so we’ve seen tons of trailers and the anticipation for Episode 7 of everyone's favorite epic space opera franchise is through the roof. I’ve avoided any spoilers and major plot details that 3rd party publication have either leaked or discussed, and since tomorrow (the 17th) I finally get to become lost in the 4th Star Wars film I’ve seen in theaters (‘91 baby here), I figured I should write out what i think will happen in the film before I see it. While i may not actually have the clairvoyance of the real Yoda, I do want to warn anyone from reading any further if you do not want any possible spoilers if I happen to be right about anything in the film. So, let’s make our attack run on this things plot...

One more thing, If I appear overly cynical or condescending at any point, fear not. When I see this film, I will love it and get lot no matter what happens, Star Wars isn’t just another movie I can easily watch with a critical eye, but I hold it to high standards, as my favorite stories growing up were attached to this franchise, and while I have no issue with certain aspects of the story possibly being blatant repeats of past films, I feel like I can still take the piss out of any aspect of any of these films in good humour, because when you love something, you love to be picky about it. That’s all, enjoy my terrible rant!


After the opening crawl, The film will start in medias res within a battle between the First Order and the new Rebels known as the Resistance (Info gathered through comic con panel) something horrible will happen to the rebels, and Finn will regret an action he either committed or witnessed in said battle. He decides to go AWOL and flee the first order, looked down upon by its general Kylo Ren, who sends Captain Phasma to relieve Finn of his duties, forever.


Finn will most likely also steal a Mcguffin from the empire that when Ren finds out, may attempt to recover it personally. This Mcguffin will either be Anakin’s second lightsaber, or BB-8.



On the planet Jakku, we meet lady  Luke (Rey). A scavenger who aspires to do more in life than be a farmer-  I mean, a something boring and dull on a desert planet (Should be original) and stumbles upon a (insert Lightsaber droid or Both) of great importance. Finn and her cross paths and realize that the other also has something of great importance to the rebels cause. They decide to leave the planet, but need a ship since Finn’s fighter was shot down while escaping the first order.



They meet Han and Chewie who are willing to help, but need to get their ship back from (shady figure) who sets up a challenge or task or condition to be resolved. Once resolved, the 4 flee along with BB-8 and the McGuffin (again, could be the droid) and narrowly escape the first order who are after Finn.




They make it to (Tython, or any other earth like planet so we know these are the good guys) and meet up with the rebels, led by Leia who is happy to see Han at first, but is then mad he (insert old couple banter) Rey gives Leia Anakin’s lightsaber and she reveals that Luke lost this lightsaber while facing Vader in Cloud City.  They explain how he can use the force, and feel that Finn may be able to as well. Han states that they should try and find Luke and that han feels like he knows Finn (most likely he is Lando's son) Finn is given the lightsaber as the First order finds the rebel base and runs the resistance out completely scattered. Kylo is unable to find finn, so he kills Han and kidnaps Rey.



After re-grouping the rebels decide to make an all out assault on the Starkiller base where Rey is being held captive. Poe uses BB-8 as his astromech droid since he is the rebels best pilot he would benefit most from (whatever makes BB-8 so special aside from being ridiculously cute - Maybe has the Death Star, I mean, Starkiller base plans?) As Poe and the rebels attack the base’s trench, Finn attempts to find Kylo and save Rey.


Kylo and Finn have an epic lightsaber battle but Ren of course gets the upper hand, as he is about to make his finishing blow, he is stopped by Luke Skywalker (or Chewy) and flees to live another day. Finn and Rey leave the Base as the Rebels back off, unable to defeat the sheer numbers of the first order. (Poe is maybe captured here?)


The film ends with Luke giving a monologue about (family, friends, the force, awakening, darkness, or all of the above) and agrees to help Rey and Finn in their trials ahead to defeat Han’s son, Kylo Ren.  


So there it is yall, lots of details to be filled in sure, but like I said, I’m not really Yoda and a lot of this could be totally wrong. Whatever ends up happening though, any ticket price will be worth hearing that classic theme while the logo of my childhood disappears into the background right before the crawl begins. What happens after that, good or bad, will never take the feeling I get when I get to experience that moment in a Theater. And man, 3 Prequel movies to see it attached to as a child was not enough times. And next year I get to relive all this excitement again with Rogue One. What a great fucking time to be alive. Now if only JJ will ever make a reference to Darth Revan (Clearly his likeness was ripped off...) I’ll be forever happy.